First Person insanity!

Do you have a story to tell? - Are you a survivor of Off Track Events? Would you like to share your story? The Off Track Events Blog is interested in posting your experience. Participants, volunteers and the shocked public should send an email to offtrackevents@gmail.com to have their story heard!

XCX 2008 - Through the Eye of the Purple People Eater

I love humans. They're delicious.

This looks like a very clever plan. I can get them to run down this hill and into that coral. Once I have them bottled up I can sort out them by texture.

I don't understand why there are so many in one place on such a cold and snowy day. Wait a minute. What are those colorful creatures invading my woods. That blue creature escorted by a large yellow bird and a funny looking human.

Quiet!! Stop shooting off all of those fireworks!! You'll scare away all of the humans!! Dog gone it who are those guys with the chain saws? Now wait a minute. Maybe I can get them to help me load some of the humans the back of my car. Yeah that seems to be working. The bright colored creatures seem to drawing the humans into the woods. they seem to be attracted to noise. Now if I can just keep them running this way... Fantastic! They are running straight into the coral maze. Woops. There are a lot of them getting through the chainsaws and running on into the woods. They will surely not make it out of here. What the cold and undergrowth doesn't get, the mud and the water will.

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The Mayor's Cup 2008 - The Champion Team reflects


We figured out that our next stop was at the corner of 9th and Cherry, and the clue we received was “Answer a Question and Ask a Question”—right away we spotted a man and woman with a microphone and camera set up outside Kaldi’s, and so we knew we were in the right place… we walked up and when they asked “Can we ask you a few questions?” we were ready! To our surprise, they began to ask us all about global warming, the carbon cycle, and greenhouse gases. This event is really extreme! we thought, but we were good sports and put our knowledge to the test. As the “interview” ended, we said, “Now do we get to ask you a question?” They looked at each other hesitantly, but said “Sure.” “What’s our next clue????” we shouted. They looked at each other again, even more puzzled. “What do you mean?” they asked us. Apparently, they were just there to film a segment for the local public TV station, and knew nothing about the Mayor’s Cup. I can’t imagine what they thought when two women in bicycle gear, costumes, and race numbers showed up enthusiastically wanting to be interviewed!!!! - Debi & Ella

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The Mayor's Cup 2008 - French Fry & Milk Shake Speak Up


I'll admit jumping on a bike early in the morning in a french fry costume is not how I usually spend my Saturdays, but after the Mayor's Cup race, who knows, it could happen again! My french fried self, as well as my milkshake partner Greg had no idea what to expect, but to say we were pleasantly surprised would be an understatement- what other race can you go on where you actually stop and eat ice cream or cookies, let alone wear costumes?

The race consisted of stops full of clues and treats. But also pictures. We weren't sure how pictures factored in to the point gathering (the most points wins) so we snapped photos every chance we got- bridal parties, swing sets, water balloon tossing and one broken window.

Take it from me, a first-timer, if you like to have fun, or if you are looking for something new to do, I definitely recommend the Mayor's Cup! And dress up in costume, there's nothing better than seeing the confused faces of people on the street! - Monica

LOL WTF!

Now that the LOL Run is over, we can finally all laugh out loud about it. It was definitely an event to remember. A little over a year ago Off Track Events launched the 2007 Inaugural year with the LOL Marathon. In support of the Columbia smoking ban the event debuted on a mid-January Wednesday at noon. Entry fee was $1. A dozen hearty souls showed up to run the 26.2 mile event. It was amazing.

Jim Linville and I decided to work together as race directors in 2008 and hoped to bring the LOL Run to a much larger audience. Our additions to this year was to add multiple distances for athletes of all abilities, move the event to the end of April, omit traditional road race rules and of course add a costume competition. Our goal was to create the ultimate fun non-competitive road race for Mid-Missouri.

The weather on the day of the event was perfect. The sky was clear and the temperature was on the brink of warm/cool. Ideal conditions! Around 70 participants showed up for the LOL Run. Before the event began we announced the winners. Glory was rewarded to those who came most creative. Top costume prizes were awarded. Everyone who came in costume was given a prize! After a few words of encouragement and direction from Spiderman and the dude in the pink dress the participants were on their way down the MKT, maps in hands looking for the directional arrows to lead them in the right direction.

The course was ambitious, hilly and never straight. Jim and I were the most challenged by the complexity of the ever twisting maze of directional arrows. We were up all night before the event placing 50 directional signs throughout Columbia. Some signs shared multiple directional arrows pointing in all directions. Organized chaos indeed. With only a handful of volunteers throughout the course, I hoped that each and every directional sign would remain standing come the moment the runners started passing by. Please nobody mess with the LOL signs!

Highlights from the course(s) include: 5 Columbia parks explored, dozens of insane hills (some of you may never forgive), awesome volunteers at aid stations, the Chicken and Gorilla along with their new friend Pumpkin G and a few amazing families along the course that set up stations in their front yards and encouraged runners as they ran past. Some of you may have had a chance to see the Unicycle rider tackle the 10k course with a child in a wagon and a dog running along side. Wow.

My alter ego for the day was Spiderman and I was the traveling aid station. Since I personally can't fire webbing from my wrists I covered the course in my (un)trusty '84 Honda Passport Scooter. A milk crate full of water, gels, and emergency gear. The weight of a gallon of water was more than the bike could handle and I found myself immediately stalled on the bottom of Rollins hill. After a half dozen unsuccessful kicks on the throttle I was finally back on the course, passing out gels and hydration to those in need! One of the highlights of the day for me was seeing the kids yell and wave for Spiderman as he zipped by on the little red scooter. I had the sensation of being an actual superhero and not just a weirdo riding around town in Spiderman pajamas.


Jim remained at the start/finish area welcoming the participants back. The finishing times ranged from under a half hour to under five and a half hours. Amazingly enough every sign throughout the course remained standing and every participant somehow was able to find their way back to the finish. To my dismay I did receive reports of many of the 10k runners who in the last 10th of a mile were misdirected down the trail and ended up running up to 4 extra miles before they realized that they were out for round 2! Upon investigating the situation, I noticed the final sign ("this way to finish") was cockeyed and pointing in a very wrong direction. My mind immediately coughed up a sleep deprived memory of placing these final signs about 4 in the morning. I remember sending Jim staggering out on the trail eyes rolled back in his head on the brink of falling asleep standing up. Minor technical error! So, the 10k had a bonus extended loop at the end... so the half marathon turned out to be over 14 miles... so the course ended up being on of the hilliest and challenging ones around. "Sure... but did you have fun?!"

We sure did. From working with awesome sponsors such as Tryathletics, to doing a road trip to Kansas City to promote the event (did anybody from K.C. even have the nerve to show?), completing the Chicken vs. Gorilla road race series, to a non-stop all nighter setup, it was always a great time. We are still laughing about it.


CHICKEN VS. GORILLA - AIR GUITAR COMPETITION

"Good afternnon ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're preparing to take off shortly, but first could you please turn your attention to the gorilla at the front of the cabin for a few instructions.

Today's flight is non-smoking, featuring non-stop service to the halls of Valhalla. The on-board entertainment this afternoon is the Chicken vs. Gorilla Air Guitar Championship, Live!

Today's competition features many feats of insane airness, and anyone with metaphysical sensitivities is advised to avert their 3rd eye, or else view the competition through a pinhole camera. If you're an expecting mother, please keep as close to the performers as possible, as the supernatural vibration eminating from their air instruments are said to improve prenatal cognitive development.

In case one of the performers accidentally catches an air guitar on fire from friction, please panic, as we've lost our only air-fire extinguisher and invisible fire is extremely difficult to contain. In case of actual fire, please calmly proceed to the nearest exit. Thank you for flying Air Guitar."

- Chris Williams aka Air Guitar Gorilla God



Awesome, awesome performances at the Chicken vs Gorilla showdown! You had to be there to believe it! Every performer got a prize with the top rockers leaving with the booty. Killer performances from: Your Mom, Pumpkin G, Lori Brown - aka Carol of destruction of chaos, Glube-lube, Burn, Aunt Bitch'n, Uncle Rico, Runs in the Family, Dynamic Duo, Think'n bout it, Peter Parker, Albino Bear and many more. Keep rock'n!

Chicken vs Gorilla Road Race Madness

You may have seen the Chicken and Gorilla battle it out in different road races this month. The head to head battle started April 1st with the ASS run. After the smoking fast CIGS 4 miler the duo put in some serious miles in the Kansas City blockbuster run "Brew to Brew". Displaying skills of speed and rockability were the goals of the Jay Dix Run. Kirksville's Glow Stick it to Cancer was the last stop in the tour. Look for the pair at Saturday's LOL Run and battle for their respect at Mojo's in the "Chicken vs Gorilla - Air Guitar Competition"!

The Polar Bear Plunge 2008!