LOL WTF!

Now that the LOL Run is over, we can finally all laugh out loud about it. It was definitely an event to remember. A little over a year ago Off Track Events launched the 2007 Inaugural year with the LOL Marathon. In support of the Columbia smoking ban the event debuted on a mid-January Wednesday at noon. Entry fee was $1. A dozen hearty souls showed up to run the 26.2 mile event. It was amazing.

Jim Linville and I decided to work together as race directors in 2008 and hoped to bring the LOL Run to a much larger audience. Our additions to this year was to add multiple distances for athletes of all abilities, move the event to the end of April, omit traditional road race rules and of course add a costume competition. Our goal was to create the ultimate fun non-competitive road race for Mid-Missouri.

The weather on the day of the event was perfect. The sky was clear and the temperature was on the brink of warm/cool. Ideal conditions! Around 70 participants showed up for the LOL Run. Before the event began we announced the winners. Glory was rewarded to those who came most creative. Top costume prizes were awarded. Everyone who came in costume was given a prize! After a few words of encouragement and direction from Spiderman and the dude in the pink dress the participants were on their way down the MKT, maps in hands looking for the directional arrows to lead them in the right direction.

The course was ambitious, hilly and never straight. Jim and I were the most challenged by the complexity of the ever twisting maze of directional arrows. We were up all night before the event placing 50 directional signs throughout Columbia. Some signs shared multiple directional arrows pointing in all directions. Organized chaos indeed. With only a handful of volunteers throughout the course, I hoped that each and every directional sign would remain standing come the moment the runners started passing by. Please nobody mess with the LOL signs!

Highlights from the course(s) include: 5 Columbia parks explored, dozens of insane hills (some of you may never forgive), awesome volunteers at aid stations, the Chicken and Gorilla along with their new friend Pumpkin G and a few amazing families along the course that set up stations in their front yards and encouraged runners as they ran past. Some of you may have had a chance to see the Unicycle rider tackle the 10k course with a child in a wagon and a dog running along side. Wow.

My alter ego for the day was Spiderman and I was the traveling aid station. Since I personally can't fire webbing from my wrists I covered the course in my (un)trusty '84 Honda Passport Scooter. A milk crate full of water, gels, and emergency gear. The weight of a gallon of water was more than the bike could handle and I found myself immediately stalled on the bottom of Rollins hill. After a half dozen unsuccessful kicks on the throttle I was finally back on the course, passing out gels and hydration to those in need! One of the highlights of the day for me was seeing the kids yell and wave for Spiderman as he zipped by on the little red scooter. I had the sensation of being an actual superhero and not just a weirdo riding around town in Spiderman pajamas.


Jim remained at the start/finish area welcoming the participants back. The finishing times ranged from under a half hour to under five and a half hours. Amazingly enough every sign throughout the course remained standing and every participant somehow was able to find their way back to the finish. To my dismay I did receive reports of many of the 10k runners who in the last 10th of a mile were misdirected down the trail and ended up running up to 4 extra miles before they realized that they were out for round 2! Upon investigating the situation, I noticed the final sign ("this way to finish") was cockeyed and pointing in a very wrong direction. My mind immediately coughed up a sleep deprived memory of placing these final signs about 4 in the morning. I remember sending Jim staggering out on the trail eyes rolled back in his head on the brink of falling asleep standing up. Minor technical error! So, the 10k had a bonus extended loop at the end... so the half marathon turned out to be over 14 miles... so the course ended up being on of the hilliest and challenging ones around. "Sure... but did you have fun?!"

We sure did. From working with awesome sponsors such as Tryathletics, to doing a road trip to Kansas City to promote the event (did anybody from K.C. even have the nerve to show?), completing the Chicken vs. Gorilla road race series, to a non-stop all nighter setup, it was always a great time. We are still laughing about it.


CHICKEN VS. GORILLA - AIR GUITAR COMPETITION

"Good afternnon ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're preparing to take off shortly, but first could you please turn your attention to the gorilla at the front of the cabin for a few instructions.

Today's flight is non-smoking, featuring non-stop service to the halls of Valhalla. The on-board entertainment this afternoon is the Chicken vs. Gorilla Air Guitar Championship, Live!

Today's competition features many feats of insane airness, and anyone with metaphysical sensitivities is advised to avert their 3rd eye, or else view the competition through a pinhole camera. If you're an expecting mother, please keep as close to the performers as possible, as the supernatural vibration eminating from their air instruments are said to improve prenatal cognitive development.

In case one of the performers accidentally catches an air guitar on fire from friction, please panic, as we've lost our only air-fire extinguisher and invisible fire is extremely difficult to contain. In case of actual fire, please calmly proceed to the nearest exit. Thank you for flying Air Guitar."

- Chris Williams aka Air Guitar Gorilla God



Awesome, awesome performances at the Chicken vs Gorilla showdown! You had to be there to believe it! Every performer got a prize with the top rockers leaving with the booty. Killer performances from: Your Mom, Pumpkin G, Lori Brown - aka Carol of destruction of chaos, Glube-lube, Burn, Aunt Bitch'n, Uncle Rico, Runs in the Family, Dynamic Duo, Think'n bout it, Peter Parker, Albino Bear and many more. Keep rock'n!

Chicken vs Gorilla Road Race Madness

You may have seen the Chicken and Gorilla battle it out in different road races this month. The head to head battle started April 1st with the ASS run. After the smoking fast CIGS 4 miler the duo put in some serious miles in the Kansas City blockbuster run "Brew to Brew". Displaying skills of speed and rockability were the goals of the Jay Dix Run. Kirksville's Glow Stick it to Cancer was the last stop in the tour. Look for the pair at Saturday's LOL Run and battle for their respect at Mojo's in the "Chicken vs Gorilla - Air Guitar Competition"!

The Polar Bear Plunge 2008!

The XCX Xperience -2007

"I am Captain Crazy Fun. I see a whole army of adventure seekers here in defiance of boredom! You have come for the xtreme, and the xtreme you shall get! I commend you for your courage in joining me in this adventure. Run fun...run safe... RUN FREE!"

250 crazed runners screamed and sprinted as gravity pulled them down the hill from the starting line of the XCX cross country extreme. Hurdling tents and dashing through a sandpit, they began their four + mile running adventure behind the Midway Expo Center in Columbia, MO. Video camera in hand, I was prepared to capture the experience on the course and the wonder of the spectators around me. Doubling in size from the year before, the event had become a visual feast of the bizarre. There were more costumed participants than I could count.

Photo by Sait Serkan Gurbuz

A wrestling match between a oversized Chicken and a foul mouthed gorilla was the first sign of the insanity about to come. Less than a half mile into the course, I was funneled into junk yard cage maze of lumber where I and the large group of runners around me were surrounded by walls of plywood and forced to climb over or under large wooden spools. The congested traffic made us easy prey for the hidden attackers that coated our ankles with silly string through holes in the plywood.

After escaping the junk yard, I arrived at row of a dozen horse jump hurdles. It definitely wasn't the height but the quantity that hurt the most. As I hurdled my way across, I could hear the loud crash of the runner behind me misjudging the height of the barrier and knocking the obstacle to the ground as he fell. "He is a goner, save yourself," I thought, knowing that if I glanced back for even a second the next hurdle would clip me to the ground. I could see from the corner of my eye billows of smoke and the sounds of explosions and screaming. The next obstacle was waiting.

Photo by Alex Grisgby

The military crawl was another debut at this year's event. Twine was weaved knee high over a 100 foot rectangular stretch of grass. Wooden blocks created an unpredictable maze to the finish. Nine Inch Nails music was playing, and military clad volunteers were screaming at runners as firecrackers exploded and smoke bombs clouded visibility. It was survival mode, and it was wildly entertaining!

Photo by Truth Leem

After outlasting the military crawl, I was able to escape to the dark forest. Almost immediately, I was attacked by chainsaw wielding zombies and forced to climb ropes up muddy banks, jump into mud pits, and race through creek beds. A bonus loop on this year's course was the pirate pond where decapitated heads hung from trees and One Eyed Willy looked on from his ship-wrecked inflatable kayak.

Photo by Truth Leem

Back in October, participants in the Mayor's Cup were instructed to bring an ugly doll for unspecified reasons. They later learned in the rainstorm of the day that their doll must be sacrificed to the one eyed troll that lived in the tunnel under Taco Bell. Around 40 dolls were sacrificed that October day. Now, here at the XCX the dolls were back. Hung from the trees in a deep creek bed runners were surrounded by them! Suddenly a fart detector alarm came to life screaming, "Fart Detected! Fart Detected!" in a warning cry to the one eyed monster that waited ahead. Crawling through roots and the curtain of dolls, participants found themselves face to face with the One Eyed Purple People Eater! Singing and dancing to the tune of a decapitated cheerleader doll, he happily greeted us. The only way to escape was to climb the mud wall of the creek bed to higher ground.

Photos by Truth Leem

The opening at the end of the dark forest revealed the long and painful "Saw Dust Hill." A long line of runners could be seen running/jogging/walking/crawling their way to the top. If the hill wasn't hard enough, there were photographers and zombies waiting at the top, as well as a long line of hay bales that needed to be climbed and jumped. At that point, runners were instructed to "DO ANOTHER LAP THROUGH THE WOODS!"

Photo by Truth Leem

After four miles of so of this insanity, we were directed to the finish line. A bonfire, music, coffee from Kaldi's and bagels from B&B awaited. There was no prize for first place finisher in the race. Instead, finishers were awarded trophies for different age groups. These trophies were seven-pound cast-iron window weights, painted black and stenciled with the XCX initials. One of a kind indeed.

Special emphasis was placed on the costume contest with sponsor prizes given to the top ten. The first place costume won a pair of Spokiz glasses and a legacy of glory. This year's champion was Mike Tripp whose Zombie make up was frighteningly realistic. Close behind was Sam Dutrow with the amazing Zebra body paint and the ever-rocking band KISS!

Photo by Alex Grisgby

Soon the party ended and participants began their voyage home. Muddy, wet and somewhat traumatized, they had traveled to this event for a common purpose: to have fun. Judging from people's expressions on the course, it was a grand adventure. I can only imagine the scene a year from now!

View the Missourian video by Alex Sutherland

The Eve of the XCX

XCX Cross Country Xtreme
November 17, 2007
9 am - Midway Sandbar

The XCX is one rough, tough and outrageous cross country race. Unlike typical road races that take runners along city streets and trails, the XCX follows the true cross country spirit of taking runners through fields, up and down hills, and through forest trails. However, the XCX takes cross country running to a new level by incorporating obstacle courses, creek crossings, rope climbs and other challenges with the ultimate goal of creating the most extreme and fun cross country race in Missouri.

Now in its 4th event, the XCX has become a successful fundraiser for Columbia Second Chance. Course highlights at the 2006 XCX included running through the woods, crawling through wet creek beds, climbing steep, muddy hills, and jumping a row of hay bales. Competitive high school and college cross country runners raced the course with amazing speed, while runners and joggers of all ages and abilities shared the experience. Many participants even raced in costume. The Incredibles battled the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as Sponge Bob Squarepants and the One Eyed Purple People Eater ran on. After completing the 4 mile course, participants were treated to a bonfire. At the awards' ceremony, speed and creativity were rewarded. Awards were given for fastest in each age group, and top ten prizes were given to the participants with the best costumes. With 130 participants, last year's XCX was a great success.

Here we are one year later. Months of preparation have gone into making this year's event an even bigger success. The stakes have been raised. The course will feature obstacles, props, mud holes, music, and to top it off, a haunted forest. Hopefully, with time the number of participants will skyrocket, propelling the XCX into cult status as the most ridiculous and difficult cross country race (mile per mile) in the Midwest. Those who complete the course will have bragging rights until the next XCX event. Those who win the costume contest will have cult status for life. This event is going beyond crazy fun. It will be in a league of its own. I am challenging runners and hearty walkers alike to participate in this fun event. Spectators are encouraged to come observe!

For all the details visit: www.xcxtreme.com

See you on the course!

Mike Denehy
XCX Race Director

The Mayor's Cup 2007 - Director's Report

I awoke early the morning of October 13th. The preparation and excitement of the day ahead had kept me from more than a couple hours of sleep. The sky was partly cloudy and the forecast called for a 50% chance of rain. A little rain wouldn't hurt.

The Mayor's Cup, Columbia's Urban Adventure Race, was about to begin. Participants gathered at Boone Tavern, and as the starting time arrived, the sprinkle of rain began to get worse. The phone rang. It was the band. They had to cancel. The outdoor show at the park was not going to happen. Time to get a back-up plan in action quick; the participants were waiting. The show must go on.

Around 80 participants were ready to begin an adventure that they knew nothing about. They knew they needed a bike. They knew they needed an ugly doll. Did they have any idea what I had in store for them?

After a couple initiation activities, the participants were off. Eight checkpoints awaited in the downtown "District," all to be completed on foot. Each team received a passport, and at each station clues were given to the upcoming station. Some of the highlights included ringing the courthouse bell, performing a one minute air guitar performance for style points at the Blue Note, a intimate television interview, and a visit with the friendly but doll-obsessed troll that lives under Flat Branch Park. Participants were required to photograph their experiences at each checkpoint. Videographers were stationed throughout the course.

Following the District, teams were sent on a photo hunt on the University of Missouri campus. Team photos show participants hanging out with Thomas Jefferson and Beetle Bailey. Stankowski field became a speedway for bikers as the campus was empty. Before participants finished they were required to sing the Ole Mizzou song in the Stadium tunnel.

I arrived at Grindstone park at 10:30. I knew that participants were cruising through the downtown and were probably making their way through the campus. The heavy rain became an intense thunderstorm and I cursed myself for being stupid enough to wear blue jeans on such a day. The volunteers were huddled wet and cold under the shelter at Grindstone. A biker on a tour from St. Louis was taking refuge with them. I wondered how many participants would be able to tough it out this far. The temperature was dropping fast and the shallow creek beds were beginning to rise. This event was turning into a very intense adventure fast.

Grindstone park was the final section of the course. Eight final checkpoints awaited the bravest souls from the Mayor's Cup. Five check points were in the Enchanted Forest. These included the Farmer (participants had to walk and talk like farm animals for the points), the tongue twister station, the Grindstone School of History, The Red Bull aid station, and my favorite, the Musical Albino Bear (which was filling in for the band). Those who made it this far were to be rewarded. Those up for an extra challenge were encouraged to forge through the knee deep creek, survive the FearFest "Pit O Despair," complete a physical challenge at the "Cliffs of Insanity," and complete the "Battle of the Wits" on the creek shore. Then it was back to Shakespeare's for the pizza party.

The first few teams were through before we were even able to get set up! Another dozen were close behind. Many of the teams were shivering and a few were a little blue. It was wildly entertaining to watch them forge through the creeks and the mud only to be rewarded with Monty Python skits, ridiculous challenges, and a dancing bear playing a xylophone. The rain kept coming. At 1:30 the conditions became so bad for the volunteers that I knew I had to close the course. A few had already fled for their lives as the creeks were at the verge of being impassible. A handful of participants were still on the course and I directed them to the remaining stations as I ran through the park alerting the remaining volunteers to go directly to Shakespeare's and eat pizza. I didn't know how things had held together as long as they had. Only moments before, my cell phone short circuited and I was without contact with the volunteers and participants. Murphy's law was kicking my butt.

I packed all the soggy props and gear into the car and quickly made my way back to Shakespeare's. The plan was to have participants turn in their passports to have their location stamps tallied. Unfortunately, almost all the books were soaking wet mush balls. I wondered how many digital cameras had met their fate that day. Looking around Shakespeare's I noticed that many people had made it for the pizza party. Even more amazing was that everyone was somehow still smiling! Maybe they actually even had a good time! Nobody wanted to punch me! I made sure that everybody left with a door prize or two. The actual winners of the event would have to be determined at a later date. After months of planning and promotion, the event was finally over. What just happened? It was a blur. Totally insane.

As I left Shakespeare's Pizza, the rain came to a stop. The next day was sunny and perfect. But really, where is the adventure in that?

LCD 4 - Rolling out...

September crept into October. I was successful again in commuting for a month of my of life car free. The commuter mileage was near 350. I imagine that if I had been driving I would have traveled twice that much. Traveling without a car has helped me reevaluate the amount and frequency that I need to travel every day. Instead of hastily running one errand at a time, I now wait until I have a number of tasks and complete them with as few trips as possible.

Nothing like a nap in the sun.

I wish that I could tell you that I will be leaving my car in the driveway with a flat tire, and dead battery. I wish that I could tell you that I could sustain a productive and happy lifestyle without my car. Unfortunately, that would be a lie. I have already taken my bike floor pump and with great effort inflated the flat. I have also gotten the jumper cables ready for the next available opportunity. Chances are, I will be behind the wheel today.

The main photo subject of a solo biker.

However, by being a regular bike commuter I have somewhere down the line completely altered my train of thought. If I need to travel within the city limits I immediately consider my bike as my main source of transportation. On occasion I weigh the options on traveling by car versus bike (weather, cargo, distance, time limitations), and if I am not restricted by outside factors, I choose to travel by bike. Why? The bottom line is because I enjoy it.

The last two days of the Low Car Challenge I spent with bikers of a different breed. Roctoberfest, the motorcycle rally that I have been helping promote this year was big and bad at the Midway Expo Center. I was lucky enough to check out cage fighting/dancing, biker games and some great live music. Plus the people watching was fantastic. I camped out a couple days and designed the course for the XCX Cross Country Xtreme race in November. It was a great way to end the month.

Roctoberfest 2007! Bikers, babes, and chicken wings!

Thanks for reading my thoughts and experiences on the 2007 Low Car Diet.

This is the first chapter in a three month adventure. I will be documenting the experience of being an event director for the three large Off Track Events right around the corner. The Mayor's Cup, the MidMo BRR and the XCX. Its about to get really interesting...

Check out the Blog here: http://offtrackevents.blogspot.com/